So I actually wanted to do this post a few days ago, I was aiming on doing a post every couple of days detailing my transition into uni life. However…
Things have been pretty tough for me the last couple of weeks. I have been back and too between uni and home so much that I know the route by heart. I’ve found it incredibly difficult to overcome my anxiety especially the social side of it. There have been times I couldn’t even get out my room to go to the kitchen.
I am currently at home writing this post, having a day to really think about what I want to do. What I need to do for me. Its been doubly difficult because everyone has been so supportive and kind, maybe that’s half the problem. If my parents just said, ‘you’re staying here, we’ll see you on Friday’ maybe that would be different. I don’t know. But what I do know and trust sometimes it feels I am, but I am not alone in this.
Many people find the transition of being away from home, starting a new chapter of education and having to learn to live with people that you may or may not get along with really tough. And it is! I think it is really underestimated by some just the sheer panic and terror that it can bring on.
When I’m in the situation all I want to do is get out. But when I’m out of the situation I can see things a little clearer, and I almost want to go back and give it another go. But every time I come home, maybe I’m just setting myself back and I’m not giving myself time to make bonds with these people. See how hard it is? You can never understand it until you there and struggling with what I am struggling with.
I often say to others, ‘you would hate to be inside my head.’ Because I know I do! I need to make some decisions and stick to them. I need to start making myself little goals and really putting some effort into it.
I started my lectures yesterday and it was okay, nothing awful happened, but I have to think if I want to do that for three years?
Anyways, I just wanted to update you on where I was in life. I also think I have another UTI but you probably didn’t need to know that. I hope you are all well and if you are ever struggling don’t hesitate to contact me!
Love, Lucy xxx